Unfortunately, we don’t have budgets for a paid campaign at present. We are hoping that you would consider featuring one of the pieces from the collection in the editorial section of the blog. If required, we can send the requisite piece for a photo shoot.

 

This is one of those classics that never get old and never stop landing in my inbox. Of course, there was a lot more to this particular email exchange but we’ll keep our focus on the meat of the message. The rotten meat.

 

“…we don’t have budgets for a paid campaign…”

I wasn’t aware there were budgets for unpaid campaigns. What is an “unpaid” campaign anyway? I doubt any of your other “vendors” are working for free on the campaign – so it is a PAID campaign. But you don’t have a budget for it? You mean you don’t have a budget to hire a blogger. Check what you’re writing and hitting send on yo. Sounds silly as fuck.

 

“…consider featuring one of the pieces from the collection…”

What do you mean by “featuring”? Oh wait, you mean first analyzing your shitty lookbook and going through your shitty products and then picking the least-shitty product. Then waiting for that product to be delivered – see, there’s no team or office where someone’s waiting hand over foot to receive deliveries. Then unwrapping the product, hoping like hell that it isn’t already damaged – because “press pieces” usually are. Then creating a moodboard / wireframe of how the product will be photographed – setting the stage, styling it, procuring props ( at my expense no less ), procuring a model or perhaps wearing / carrying the product myself. Then spending time either photographing or being photographed – there might be makeup. Then selecting images, post-production. Then writing about the product and the brand. Then uploading images and scheduling the blog post for a date / time most suitable for the brand and my audience and my blog’s editorial calendar.

If that’s what you mean by “featuring”, you might like to come up with a budget for this paid campaign that you have in mind.

Not to mention the additional charges for putting your brand on my blog and introducing your brand’s products to my audience. That’s marketing / promotion etc. and there is a budget for that. You just don’t want to share it with me because bloggers are cheap and we work for Rs. 500 vouchers yes? Nah. Fuck you, pay me.

 

“…editorial section of the blog…”

Now this one I’d really love to see – pray tell, which is the “editorial” section on Naina.co? Go, browse through the three thousand blog features / stories that have been published and tell me which is the editorial section. I will wait. At no extra charge to you for wasting my time.

This is not a print magazine. This is not “traditional advertisement in a print magazine”. If you don’t know what this is, first ask and then when you’ve tried to make sure you’re not being an asshole, if you still end up being an asshole…then thank you for contributing to the #WTFNaina section on Naina.co! See? There’s a section for your idiotic requests and maybe this is the “editorial” section you were referring to. Would you like me to feature your brand and product by name next time? Do tell.

 

“…send the requisite piece for a photo shoot…”

Kyon bhai / behen? Tumhaare papa kee dukaan hai kya? “Photo shoot” tumhaara papa karega free mein? Why in the seven hells will I use your product in a photo shoot that I’m producing and executing? I don’t even know you from Eve. I’ve said it hundreds of times – if you’re going to be an asshole to someone professionally, at least try and build a relationship first. We tend to be nicer to known assholes than unknown ones.

You might be confusing my Naina.co platform with a print magazine that earns advertising money from brands that not only buy advertising space in the print magazine but also then supply the “requisite” pieces of editorial photo shoots that the magazine executes. You have no idea how that works do you? Kindly educate yourself or you can pay me and I will attempt to educate you.

Definitely do read more from the #WTFNaina section – for free self-education.

More anecdotes and stories in the #WTFNaina series. ( These are all inspired by true stories. Some written emails, some from face-to-face meetings. They have all been piling up for years now and I’ve decided to put them to use! )

 

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2 comments

  1. “Kyon bhai / behen? ” oh my gee!! I so love this series but this particular line took the cake! Way to go Naina.. love your photographs a lot but your articles more so!

    1. Heh. Thanks for checking out the blog Ritu – as always! Appreciate the support for the writing as much as for the photographs!

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