Dear Naina,
Hope you are doing well.

<Brand Name> one of the leading <category> brands has launched their new lifestyle range – <name of range> which are <description of product>.

We are looking for a collaboration opportunity and would be happy to send across samples for you to review their collection

Request you to share the below mentioned details with us if you would be keen to take this forward

Names of some of the international brands that you have worked with in the last 3 months (preferably in the fashion market)
The reader engagement for each of those posts, no of unique visitors per month, views per month, views per brand related blog post, number of visitors per month, number of engagement posts for such associations

Also, please find attached information and some images from their latest collection.

Please feel free to call for any further assistance.

Sure, why didn’t you ask for my profit and loss statement while you’re at it? Nice to make your acquaintance too. What is this? Come out from nowhere at all and want everything? How about you tell me how your product is doing? How many sales? From which retail stores? A tour of the manufacturing facility to determine whether the products are being manufactured ethically, in a sustainable fashion.

Also, don’t forget to share detailed information in numbers of your previous associations with other influencers / bloggers. Who else have you worked with? How many clicks did they get you? And all the other details like pageviews / unique visitors etc. Please include and share. Oh. What are you saying? You can’t share information about previous associations? It’s confidential you say? Oh ok. It kinda works the same way here you know – I can’t share minute details of previous client associations unfortunately. Especially those that are your direct competitors. Happy to measure these things for the gig I do with your brand of course, but not possible to share details from previous associations.

“Names of some international brands you’ve worked with…” You haven’t seen the blog have you? You probably don’t even know how to navigate a blog. Quelle surprise. Every single gig I’ve ever done is on the blog. Take a look. It’s free to take a look. No one’s watching.

“Happy to send across samples for your to review…” I’m not an expert in the brand’s industry – how the hell am I supposed to “review” their product? And what do you meant by “samples”? I can look at the product and you expect me to do extensive research about the industry and product category and then I’m supposed to return the product? What is this?! I’m so confused.

My response :

Hi <name of email sender > thank you for writing to us. We would love to collaborate with <Brand Name>.

We don’t review products unfortunately, we merely share our experience with them.

We are unable to provide details of assignments we’ve worked on with clients. You are welcome to look at all the stories from November http://www.naina.co/2016/11/ December http://www.naina.co/2016/12/ and January http://www.naina.co/2017/02/ on the Naina.co website. You might also want to see this : <link to stories I’d done on the blog where I’d included the same brand’s products years before they got in touch with me – I’m a fan of their products!>

If you can share the client’s budget earmarked for this collaboration, we can get back to you with a proposal.

Our media kit is attached to this email.

Their response :

Greetings!

Thank you for your mail.

We are presently looking at barter associations without commercial involvement as the products are premium. Hope this works.

We can share the product samples for a review/association and in return we would like to have a blog post/review and promotion of the product/brand on all your social media handles.

Looking forward for the association. Hope to hear from you soon.

“…without commercial involvement…” “Commercial” means : concerned with or engaged in commerce OR making or intended to make a profit OR a television or radio advertisement. You’re saying you’re getting in touch with me because you don’t want to do business, don’t intend to make a profit and don’t intend to promote your products?! Why the hell are you getting in touch with me then?! Oh wait, to waste my time. How did I miss THAT?

“…the products are premium.” Don’t be an ass. Anyone can Google and check how much your product costs. And again, have you even seen my blog? But that’s besides the point. The product could be made of gold and studded with diamonds for all I care, I’m not in the business of selling second-hand goods. I am in the business of “influencer marketing” or “promoting brands” or “photography” or “photo blogging”. I charge for the services I provide.

As always, #FuckYouPayMe

Fishy emails fishing for fishies.

 

More anecdotes and stories in the #WTFNaina series. ( These are all inspired by true stories. Some written emails, some from face-to-face meetings. They have all been piling up for years now and I’ve decided to put them to use! )

 

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1 comment

  1. Ha ha! The story is the same. All they want is free marketing without having to pay the influencer. I think because bloggers accept the barter that these folks have been talking about, they expect everyone to do that.

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