“The potential you see in other people isn’t real. It is the projection of what you would do in their position.”
I read this on the Internet last night and have not been able to get it out of my head since then. I decided to think about it a bit more intentionally and also write about what I was thinking and how it made me feel etc.
One of my fundamental beliefs, since I was a child, has been that anyone can do anything. This is tied in with the potential I see in others as well as the potential I want others to see in me. This belief has found its way into my romantic relationships as well, which have turned out to be, mostly, disappointing. The others that I saw potential in, did not end up living up to that potential. Some didn’t even bother to explore that potential.
Hence, this quote that I read, made me stop and think. I broke it down logically, because that is how I usually try to understand the world around me.
“The potential you see in other people isn’t real. It is the projection of what you would do in their position.”
The potential is obviously imagined. An estimate. That is literally the meaning of the word POTENTIAL. As a Noun, the word POTENTIAL means latent qualities or abilities that maybe developed and lead to future success or usefulness.
Latent qualities exist in everyone. Whether they are developed and lead to anything, is unpredictable. But it is REAL to see the potential in someone. They might not see it in themselves, but that does not make it any less real.
It does have an element of being your own projection. You see their latent capabilities and consequently, you see the massive possibilities of them utilizing those capabilities. For me, this is because I also want someone else to choose me for my potential, for what they see in me. For someone to SEE and recognize my qualities and capabilities and help me grow and nurture those capabilities to help me realize my potential. TO GROW TOGETHER. The need to be seen, cherished and accepted. The need to be CHOSEN. All real.
Also real is not knowing when to walk away. Or knowing that recognizing potential in someone else does not automatically means neglecting your own potential. Investing in someone else’s potential doesn’t mean NOT investing in your own.
Also real, is that you knowing their potential and even conveying it to them, does not mean that those latent qualities and capabilities will be recognized by them and developed. It is true that most of us have an innate need to be SEEN, for our potential to be recognized and supported. But most of also do not have the tools and the support system to help us realize that potential. So, we tend to give up, and early. And then when someone does come along to support us and SEES us, we don’t know what the fuck to do with them and we reject them and their vision. That is real too.
No matter how much time, energy, effort and patience you invest, all of it could still lead to the other person’s potential not being realized. You cannot force someone to not accept a sailing-along-surviving existence. You can do your best and that is all you can do. Some of us can walk away sooner than the others. Whatever helps you sleep at night.
While you might see the potential in other people, REALIZING that potential is not your responsibility. Your own success and peace should not be impacted by the activation or lack thereof of someone else’s potential. Their journey is theirs.
You see the potential, you tell them that it exists, maybe they accept your support. But ultimately, their fear of their own success is overwhelming and they quit. That is not a win or a loss for anyone involved. It is what it is. You have attempted to show them one path that is visible to you that might not have been visible to them. You’ve even held their hand and walked with them for a bit.
Now, you let go.
And who is to say that the purpose of a human being is to realize their potential? These are qualities and capabilities that CAN be developed. They don’t have to be. And what is the definition of SUCCESS? Your definition does not have to align with society’s definition.
As far as it being a projection of what you would do in their position, are you sure? Because, I believe, it is more likely that it is your projection of what you think would be the ideal thing to do.
The potential you see in other people is the projection of what you think would be the ideal thing to do in their position, when you don’t even know what position they are in.
That’s a better version IMO.
