Dear Sir/ Madam

Subject: Our Landmark Project

Please accept my warm greetings and the blessings of Lord Krishna!

I wish to inform you of a unique project never before undertaken on earth. It is the world’s tallest religious structure under construction at the holy land of X.
<redacted because too goddamn long>
In anticipation of your favourable response,

Yours in service of Lord and mankind.

– – – –

Me : Response in favor of what exactly? Thanks.

– – – –

Them : Hello Ms Naina

Thanks for the reply.

Being a journalist you can try to spread it out to more and more people in India and abroad by penning it down and sharing on blogs etc.

Please visit X sometime and we will be pleased to take you for a tour or our temple.

– – – –

Me : Hello <name>, sadly, you are mistaken, I am not a journalist! Have a nice day.

By all means continue to believe in whatever ghost you’d prefer. I believe in the God of Capitalism. If you aint got no money, I aint got no time. For the umpteenth time, I am not a journalist. I was never a journalist and I don’t plan on working to become a journalist either. Your comparing my work to a journalist’s work is a disservice to both of us. You look like a silly goose too.

What I “can” do and what I “will” do are also dependent upon the God of Capitalism’s teachings. Sure, I CAN technically write a blog post about anything under the Sun. I have the ABILITY to do that, yes. But do I have the WILLINGNESS to do it as well? Ability + Cash might lead to Willingness. If the subject matter is a fit for me and my audience and circle of influence, that is.

Krishna could possibly be influenced by some butter. Same thing. Pretend I’m like Krishna, except my Butter is Cash. I might not believe in Krishna but I do believe in butter. I love it in fact. Especially the pure white stuff when it’s still warm and I can scoop it out with my fingers. ( I’m talking about real butter there – not the cash analogy. It’s been established that I love cash way before today’s blog post in the #WTFNaina category got published. )

That was a quick case study in the short journey going from “Dear Sir/Madam” to “You are a journalist.” Krishna must be face-palming.

 

More anecdotes and stories in the #WTFNaina series. ( These are all inspired by true stories. Some written emails, some from face-to-face meetings. They have all been piling up for years now and I’ve decided to put them to use! )