No. You are not asking for too much. You are, however, probably asking the wrong person.
Let me explain.
Do you recall the last time you had a problem? A flat tire perhaps? When were driving on the highway and you could feel that something was off with the car. You pulled over and saw that one of the tires of your car looked like it had lost at least half its volume. Now what? If you know how to change tires, that’s usually the first option that most of us will go for. If you had been in a similar situation previously, and you do not know how to change the tire on this car, you would have the number of a towing or repair service stored on your mobile phone and you will try and contact them. The third option would be to look for an actual repair shop within walking distance from your car. Failing which, the fourth option will be to call up a close friend or family member or your significant other, to come and help you out.
Or, maybe you were having trouble setting up your first WordPress blog. You have done, what feel like innumerable searches online. You have solved most of the issues you were facing. There are enough generous coders and fellow-bloggers who have shared their learnings, for free, online. But now you are left with this one issue that you are not able to figure out. You reach out to that one geek friend you have. He is, unfortunately, busy. For at least the next week and your issue has to be resolved NOW. Then you go onto your Twitter account and tweet out the exact issue you’re having and hope that someone will help.
Now imagine, that you called up your geek friend to help you solve your car trouble. He doesn’t even live in the same city. He might have a friend of a friend who lives in the same city and that person might come and help you. But you know that it’s a long shot. Similarly, imagine that you called up a car repair shop to help you solve the issue with your WordPress blog.
You see where I’m going?
The things I’m asking you to imagine above, sound absurd. Yet, in our personal lives, we routinely do this with our significant others, friends and family members.
Your mother is not your best friend.
Your best friend is not your mother.
It is nice to have a mother and a best friend that you have the privilege of confiding in. But, in all probability, the things you share with your mother are different from the things you share with your best friend.
Now let’s get down to brass tacks.
Your lover. Your significant other. Your male or female partner. Someone you are dating or are married to. Someone you are in a long term relationship with.
You expect this one person to be your best friend. You also expect this one person to share the financial and economic load of running a household. Which includes the expectation that this person will be good at running the household. Then there’s the expectation of sex. Not just regular, random sex but good, frequent and passionate sex. And the expectation of care when you’re ill. The expectation of a good conversation. A drinking buddy. An emotional support system. A sounding board for your work ideas. The expectation of them proofreading your blog posts. This one person is also going to help you raise children. Help you cope with your mental health issues. And all this while, they are also responsible for their own well-being. They are everything to you.
To get one WordPress issue fixed, we reached out to many different people and tried many different options. On the other hand, we want one person to fulfil all our needs when it comes to love and intimacy.
Doesn’t this sound unfair?
Not only are we chaining this person to our expectations, we are also limiting the avenues for exploring our own happiness. We have all felt the disappointment and inadequacy of not being able to fully support our partners. It is not humanly possible to do so. Yet, we choose to feel guilt instead of looking at the root of the issue.
It is like putting the person you love, on a pedestal. And destroying them, bit by bit. Putting such a huge burden on them is going to guarantee that they will fail and they will be miserable about it because they love you. They want to do everything right so that you can be happy. But they literally cannot.
Next time, whenever you feel that your partner is not being able to fulfil your needs / wants, or that they are not living up to your expectations, stop for a moment and try to understand that you might be asking the wrong person for the fulfilment of that particular expectation.
They cannot fix your car AND solve your WordPress issues.
You are not asking for too much. You are asking the wrong person.
