Last week, I was shooting for Google – working on a project that was totally right up my alley – meeting lovely women ( the ones I was photographing ) and driving all over the National Capital Region. I had also just returned from the hectic four-day trip at JW Marriott Mussoorie – I was shooting for them as well and additionally, crafting a 3 month campaign.

Whatever challenges that come along with meeting people and working with them, I was meeting them head on. It was a super busy week and I was reveling in it. There had been very little work before the month of June 2017 and a quick look at my revenue showed I’d already earned, in two months ( June & July ), what I normally earn in six months.

This week, I’m looking at Bryan Adams’ Instagram feed, at this one picture in particular. There’s a smiling side profile of Priyanka Chopra above his shoulder, behind him, as he takes a quick selfie, smiling, gap-toothed, into his smart phone. I grew up listening to his music and now he is also a professional photographer. A massive pang of jealousy hits me. I want to be him – photographing the who’s who. But I also want to be her – being photographed by Bryan Adams!

At the same time, I have Naval Ravikant’s voice in the back of my head, telling me that if I don’t want a hundred percent of someone’s life, I shouldn’t be feeling jealous about the 0.01% they share on Instagram. Do I really want Bryan Admas’ life? Er. I’m not sure what his entire life looks like but I think I do! I do see the side where there are some who probably want my life.

My brain then takes me to this private message someone sent me on Instagram. “How come you have more than 40,000 followers but only 100-200 likes on each of the photos you upload?” I don’t know man. If I know the answer to this question, you think I’d be doing something about it no? ( Apart from burning cash. ) Why is it so important to count these numbers anyway?

I’ve a picked a zit on my face by now. I don’t know the point of this short blog post. I want to be ok with that but being online won’t let me be ok with it. I want to rediscover my love for photography and blogging but the numbers won’t let me. Last week, I was off social media networks because I was in the thick of photographing client assignments. This week, I’m feeling irrelevant and inadequate because I am at my desk, editing images from the assignments and taking breaks means getting onto social media networks.

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