Many of us are afraid of being alone.
The truth is, WE ARE ALONE.
Just as death is certain, so is being alone. Born alone, die alone. It is the truth. Whether I feel bad about it or am indifferent to it, the truth does not care. It just is.
Being “alone” is the truth. “Loneliness” is a choice.
Many people come into our lives and then leave. There is constant welcome and farewell. Some stay for brief periods of time, never to be heard from again. Some dip their toes into our life-stream intermittently over several years. Some ride along for decades and then go away. Literally no one stays forever. Which is why one must live their life exactly how they please. As opposed to molding it around someone else. Anyone else.
People coming and going will affect our lives in subtle and sometimes gut-wrenching ways. If we weave our threads tightly around others, the fabric of us will be shredded. We will find ourselves at a point in life where we will not know who we are at all. And THAT is far worse than “alone” or “dead”.
Societal expectations, parents, partners, siblings and friends. Everyone and everything has expectations. But what do I want?
This too, is scary.
Which is why it is easier for us to wrap our life around someone else. It is easier to react than to be proactive by finding internal motivation – on our own.
Self-discovery is a painful process at the beginning. The more I ask myself, “What do I want?” and “How does that make ME feel?” the more it gets satisfying and enriching. Curiosity about my own self tickles me. And then, with the people that come and go, I am able to further enrich my life by being curious about theirs.
There will always be more people that I will have the privilege of being curious about. Without discovering a little more of myself every other day, however, I’m a leaf floating in the ocean. Being swept away this way and that. Drowned in the big waves, lulled in the coming and going of tides. Thrashed by frigid rain, crashing into the rocks. No choice in the matter.
I am not a leaf. I am a person. I am going to use my advantages and privileges to know myself better.
WHERE THIS CAME FROM
Many of us have suffered losses this past year. Such is the nature of life with or without the pandemic. Having spoken with friends and acquaintances going through their own losses, the above piece was born out of my own learnings this past year. Going forward into the new year, as one does, I have wondered what my resolutions are, if any. This is the only one that holds water : to get to know myself better. And then, to not be afraid of being myself.
