I’m happy to see you go, August. There were many power-cuts where I live. Without power back-up, i.e. the Generator pictured above, I would have not been able to do half the things that I did. Work is dependent upon having the laptop or desktop or even just the smartphone up and about and neither of these devices would work without electricity. I did not appreciate the reminder that nothing is in my control except my reaction to it. ( I could control my violent reactions to not being able to work but that would not change the not-being-able-to-work situation, whatsoever. ) I hope September is different but considering experience, it probably won’t be.
Many days of August were spent contemplating whether I understand the depth of black and white photography. Each time, I concluded that regardless of my understanding of depth, I still prefer color photography. I can always edit colored digital images and present them as black and white but if the original image is shot black and white, adding color to it will be a tedious process. I always shoot RAW ( when DSLRing ), hence color is automatic and I’m thankful for that.
The boxes in the above image represent the piles of old clothes that I dug out from my wardrobe and decided to give away. The clothes aren’t old / moldy / shredded but I wasn’t wearing them anymore and giving away things that might mean more to the receiver than they mean to me, is relieving. It also helps me clear up the cobwebs in my own head.
I re-started using only the staircase while going up to the apartment or coming out of it. I hope I will continue the practice into September and beyond. Fitness has been a lifelong lament and I am always fighting the urge to just vegetate. I love walking but living in a place like Noida, I can ill-afford to step out of the society for a walk even during daylight hours. I don’t feel safe. While I am not quite expecting Noida to change in September, it will mean one more month closer to me moving out of Noida permanently.
August was supposed to be Monsoons. There wasn’t much rain in my neck of the woods. Tonight while I was walking ( all these photos were shot on my phone while I was walking within my residential society tonight ), the cloudy sky was lit up from below. City lights reflected by the grey clouds made the latter look like a warm fire. I don’t know what weather in September is going to look like but I hope it isn’t half as hot and humid as August was. Lots more green to see I hope. I will take the fiery-clouds as a signal for me to find that spark in my work that I’ve lately been missing.
I hope I see more light wherever I look. I met some lovely people in the month of August and I hope to see more of them in September. I hope I continue to meet people who are mindful and their presence alone makes me want to be a better person and makes me want to do better, more meaningful work. One might argue that light exists and one only has to look to find it, but sometimes the general malaise and melancholy can make the brightest of days seem dull and uninteresting. To the people who brought back a bit of the twinkling to my head in August, I raise you a hopefully cheerful September.
August felt like a minor tipping point in my life in the way I think about personal and professional things. I’ve been spending a lot of time standing on the pavement, feeling safe, not wanting to cross over to the other side because I don’t know what the other side is or how to even get there. I hope, in September, I am able to take is one step at a time and climb higher.
Not having found much time for myself in August, I hope this changes September onwards. I spent a few minutes on the swing in the park tonight and found I wasn’t really letting loose and enjoying myself. My neck was stiff, my shoulder muscles were bunched up and my arms were not straight when I held the chains of the swing – they were bent at the elbow and remained bent even when I thought I was taking the longest of swings. Clearly I wasn’t taking the longest of swings. I had to force myself to loosen up. A few sighs later, I was able to and swung till the bars creaked and I found myself hoping the neighbours wouldn’t stick their necks out to wonder who was swinging at 11 p.m. I hope I find more time for myself in September. Not to do things but to just BE.
Some doors are not meant to be opened but swinging in the park is not one of those. I hope I will get more time to swing in the park at 11 p.m. on September nights. Stepping out on foot, alone, from the residential society where I live, is not something I feel safe doing. But within the society, I need to stop using that as an excuse lest I turn into a hermit and just never step outdoors.
I’m thankful for more green and I want to see more. Maybe I will have time to travel for a short trip where I don’t have to wait for car headlights so I can take a picture of my shadow, where hopefully, the moon will suffice. Come on September, do your thing!
Maybe I will do a photo series titled, “Things In The Back of People’s Cars”. An idea I had while I was on the swing. Does sound like I should be spending more time on the swing for sure.
The only reason I even stepped out for this walk tonight was because the boy suggested it. I was sitting at my desk, after having watched a film ( Fame, 2009 ), after having typed out an article for a client, after having had dinner and generally done my thing – on a Sunday. I turned sideways and asked him what I should do next. ( I ask him exasperating questions like these sometimes. ) He looked at me and said I could go for a walk, to which I turned up my nose and said, “Why would anybody go for a walk at this hour?!” and he looked at me again and said, “Why not?” I am not looking forward to September because he’s going to be sailing and I am not too keen on having a long distance relationship at this phase in my life. Who am I going to be asking exasperating questions to?!
August was a lot of just being able to put one foot in front of the other and keeping the momentum. I hope I can spend some of September also looking for direction and setting course with a goal in mind. There is always a lot to do but lately I’ve been dissatisfied with the illusion of being busy. I keep saying there’s a lot of things I want to do in life but I’ve never really listed those out. Maybe September will give me courage to do that.
Amidst security cameras ( above ) and the things people leave outside their doors for the garbage collector to pick up in the morning ( below ), there’s a million ideas buzzing in my head about photography projects. Each of which will be a time-consuming assignment. Now if I could only figure out a way to conjure up sponsors who would give me free reign and let me do my thing. While money isn’t the end goal, it sure helps everything else along the way and figuring out new ways of monetization are always at the top of my head as well. August has been about ideas, I hope September can be about execution.
Here’s looking at you September!